flight or fight and some such

Fight or flight. Are you the type of person who runs towards the danger to save the day? Are you the type that freezes like a madonna striking a pose (im trying to avoid the deer caught in headlights analogy, so yeah, thats the best i had) Are you the type who throws up her fists to the invisible assailant coming towards yo u that you cant see? That was me, only it turned out to be a very tiring dog snuffling through a field and not the dangerous predator i saw in my minds eye.But, i didn’t know it when i ran in the dark with my fists raised towards the danger. That was when i was 17….a long long time ago. and though i have changed dramatically since then, my knee jerk reaction is retaliation and outrage. My gut instinct is not to freeze or flee. I fight. There are I’m sure a vast array of psychological reasonings for why i behave this way, from how i was raised, various traumas throughout my life, growing up in a small town where i got picked on a lot and discovered the art of intimidation. Its a shitty life lesson, one i would like to say no one should have to grow up with. I know this to be true, no one should. But i wouldn’t be who i am now if it wasn’t for all that bullshit. I spent a lot of years unlearning that behaviour…in fact i went in the exact opposite direction and became a bit of a jellyfish for a number of years…and the bullies crept back in to my life. So now i find the balance, being assertive without being aggressive. Keeping kindness at the forefront, with out being a pushover. Its tricky business this life. Keeping ours egos in check with out letting others run us over requires aware authenticity. Fuck i seem to have run off on a tangent, most of the time i have no idea where i am going with my writing. This seems to be the case with this blurb. But i guess thats life right? we don’t always know whats next, we don’t always have a plan, we are unsure, we run amok, we run off course, we run around in circles, we freeze, we flee, we run headlong in to the unknown fist raised shouting fuck you you don’t scare me, even if we are really pissing our pants we face what needs facing. we stare down the tiny dog in the underbrush, all the while imaging it is the fiercest predator to here exist on the planet. we do this life. whelp. there you have it, my rant for the day. Thanks for reading ❤ Here, have some poetry, pieces of my soul in script.

Tempest

You dance with thunder,
carelessly
shirking any notion of lightning.

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